Take them to the zoo immediately.". The man gives his young wife another dirty look. Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. the troopers inquired. report. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like? ", "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. "I'm the groom. interacts online and researches product purchases No Age Limit To Being Wild. Open and Shut in Word Play Jokes. They rarely get the praise, thanks, or recognition they deserve. I didn't know about a broken tail light! (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Always one to lend a helping hand, he pulls over and offers her a lift. Bottom: Last Post: You need to be logged in to post a reply. She asked me, "Single click or double click?" Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. she asked suspiciously. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. ", The man replied, "That would be my wife. Another car passed by. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt… 17 Dirty Jokes That Are So Filthy You'll Need A Shower. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Newer Post Older Post Home. It’s so hot, I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Q: What do you call a Skoda with 200,000 miles on it? This thread is archived. they asked. Just as the trooper was about to slap on the cuffs, an accident in the opposite lane took his attention, and he ran in that direction to help. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! Man: Broken tail light? Officer: Don't have one? best. Man: Broken tail light? The cop immediately pulls out and turns on his siren. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Search Results for: seat belt « Previous Jokes. I said, "Yes." asked the troopers. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?". Man: Broken tail light? Sort by. hide. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that rear light for weeks. Today; 7 Days; 30 Days; 45 Times People Caught the World with Its Pants Down 19,178. The Laugh Club . This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. One sunny day, Father Ted is driving his car down a small country road, when he suddenly spots a nun waiting at a bus stop. Tweet. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Uniform Stories covers an array of subjects like field stories, entertaining anecdotes, and expert opinions. Mom, What did he can you? Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. Instead, look at the one who wore the belt: looks so alive and well. ", This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. Copyright © 2021 Police1. He pulls the guy over and demands:"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday? The officer then says, "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt." The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one. WARNING: Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. seat belt joke. Officer: You what? Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Wife: Oh Harry. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. ... "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. It’s so hot, I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed. Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth bitch!" Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. It’s so hot, I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. A man buys this real fast sports car and he's is flying down the road at about 80 mph. ", A traffic officer stops a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. Welcome to this big page filled with funny car jokes! Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes « previous joke: Forest goes to Heaven. Man: No sir, I was going 65. A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What's the problem officer? Best … We have searched all over the place for the most hilarious koala puns and jokes out there, so buckle your seat belt – we think you’re going to enjoy them beary much! the man began, "I can explain. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. The rookie trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop? Doing General Cleaning Pull out the seat belt. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. I didn't know about a broken tail light! The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. It gets longer when you jerk it, it fits in between your boobs and it slides into the seat belt. Prank-O makes practical joke gift boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, and was pulled over on the way home by a state trooper. These furry creatures are cute, cuddly and fun, and they’re also a great source of unBEARably funny puns! It’s so hot we had to ship the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn’t forget how to swim. I'm going to have to give you a ticket. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Enjoy cop humor. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Lexipol. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) ", Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, its got your picture on it!". She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! The officer examines the license. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse, smoking, and staying out late and the effects they all have on the human body. "Are you Mr. He suddenly slips and falls. It’s so hot, I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, marriage, wife A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. Thinking how important automobiles are to the Western way of life, the amount of funny jokes and good driving jokes to be found is relatively small - there are not all that many; and they're not all that funny. Prank your loved ones! Officer: I'm also going to give you a caution for not wearing your seat belt. This poor priest could never in his wildest dreams have imagined how this day would turn out. You were going 80. Show Answer; Answer: Are you dead? Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Prank-O makes practical joke gift boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. She asked, "Do I click the square?" (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) ", On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back? Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. 35 comments. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door. 56% of male fatalities were unrestrained while 43% of female fatalities were unrestrained. Wife: Oh Harry. That said, police are fodder for countless jokes because the awkwardness, confusion, and tension of a police encounter can lead to some very funny slips of the tongue. Okay, I won't tell you then okay, but I do have a serious question for you. He asks the driver her name. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. 0 – Look at this man who did not wear the belt: his head torn, his intestines on the windshield, his eyes in the tree, and he lost his hands. The husband bursts out, "Shut your mouth, woman!" save. Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. ", The old gentleman paused. Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Prince Harry gave her a royal pounding. Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Video: Deputy narrowly avoids point-blank gunfire, Video: Suspect bursts through door, shoots NYPD cops, City Council advances proposal to replace Minneapolis PD, 5 Okla. cops face manslaughter charges in fatal OIS, Individual Access - Free COVID-19 Courses, Open the tools menu in your browser. Police1 is revolutionizing the way the law enforcement community ", A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. Maybe you bought a used car and want to give it a proper detailing now that it's yours. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. Everyone loves a good joke, and so many of the good ones involve police. Oh so true. It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze. 04) no passenger seat for the ho. Vigorously pull the belt forward until it is stiff and … Funny police and cop jokes about funny situation when you meet police officer. So the man got out the machetes and started juggling them – first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Within minutes five police cars circle the car. 06) they keep trying to carjack dale, jr. 05) police cars on track interfere with race. Old Lady Biker Joke . You have a dirty mind! A: A rucksack. A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. You're going to jail! Who's giving that lecture at this time of night? Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. please share a joke? The Laugh Club » Dirty jokes » Priest gets turned on by beautiful nun but is rejected, 3 hours later the forbidden truth is revealed. The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket. "And what did you do then," the troopers asked. To which the queen replied "Wear a seat belt and don't piss me off! Your back goes out more than you do. ", To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf! Looking back on it now, I’m sure that he would have done things differently if he could do them all over! Man: Broken tail light? Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. "I use those in my act.". Funny Pictures . Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. ", The sarge replied, "Forget it, he's in Georgia now. An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and get into his car. Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. ", The man says, "Well, I got here as fast as I could.". The guy says OK, and drives away. Question: What is the only question you can't answer yes to? The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. ", As she finishes speaking the cop pauses for a moment and then puts his ticket book and pen away. A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) Search This Blog. The driver replies, "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. ", The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts. What bands played at Meghan Markle's nuptials? Joke New Seatbelt Design ..... Posted by Unknown at 07:10. Wife: No, only when he's drunk. ", Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Mustang east on I-20 toward Georgia. 97% Upvoted. 09) the pistol won’t stay under front seat. Dirty Seat Belts are easy to clean, once they are clean they will roll back in the retractor like greased lighting. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. What happened after Meghan Markle spent some dollars on her honeymoon? "Stuart," the pretty woman says, "you know you never wear your seat belt!" 769. Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club. Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. She says, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan. ", The officer then asked, "Really? "I'm a juggler," the man replied. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. well? Wife: No, only when he’s drunk. Uniform Stories features a variety of contributors. (Man gives his wife a dirty look. Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. "But officer." Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car. 0 . I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. Archived. All rights reserved. I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.] Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. These furry creatures are cute, cuddly and fun, and they’re also a great source of unBEARably funny puns! He'll be in a good mood when he gets back. Not really interested in koalas and want to read rather about bigger animals? You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving." Officer: Stole it? share. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! We present... 15 Classic Jokes Involving Police Traffic Stops. I'm visiting my daughter in Columbia. After observing … As the officer was … I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go. Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest. It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze. Top: Kid Jokes: 5 Year Old & Seat Belt. Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? They’re just people, putting their lives on the line in a dirty business day after day. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+ … Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Question: There was a window cleaner who was cleaning a window on the 25th floor of a skyscraper. Email This BlogThis! Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. Men will be coming into some money! Ha-ha-ha So cute. Q: Why is this country so far in debt? Standing in his doorway were two state troopers. We have searched all over the place for the most hilarious koala puns and jokes out there, so buckle your seat belt – we think you’re going to enjoy them beary much! Today is Friday. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. Everyone loves a good joke, and so many of the good ones, for some reason, involve police. The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Copyright © 2021 Answer: A seat belt. Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. Prank your loved ones! New to YT? You have a dirty mind! The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde driver's license. The funny story below is a perfect example of just that! The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. A: Fill the tank with petrol. It’s so hot we had to ship the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn’t forget how to swim. Safety Council has completed extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Older Woman: Is there a problem sir? What will happen if Meghan Markle ever becomes Queen? Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+. Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? All rights reserved. Officer: Why not? Man: Broken tail light? It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off. Officer: Can I see your license please? Man: Shut your mouth, woman! All rights reserved. 2 years ago. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. 0. The Dirty Con Job of Mike Rowe 26 Internet Roasts That Didn't Hold Back Top 5. Get it out the gutter! When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over quickly. +Add Joke: LATEST: POPULAR: RANDOM: Prev Joke | Next Joke: 162 hits: 3.3 (172 votes) Share : Favorite | Flag: 12 years ago by snowbdr88 : Email to a Friend: Post/Bookmark: Permalink: What gets longer when pulled, Fits between your boobs, Inserts neatly in a hole, And... Works best when jerked? Answer: A seat belt. The woman steps out of her vehicle. "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again.". Older Woman: I can't do that. After a couple miles he flies by a cop at a speed trap. That's an automatic $75 fine." Older Woman: I stole this car. Posted by 2 years ago. "Well, show me then," the officer demanded. There was a man driving when he spotted a policeman. The officer comes up to his car and says, "I have been waiting for you all day. Older Woman: Oh, I see. There was a window cleaner who was cleaning a window riddle (medium) Save; Comments / Answers (2) 2k views 129 ratings 14 saves. A seatbelt! Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. I thought you were bringing her back.". Inside the garage was the state trooper's car. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.". Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Look at the test they're giving now. As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! 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